|
|
|
|
|
|
Short Waves
|
| Bandage | (111K WAV) from "The Gangrene of the Mastersons" Josie: More bandages, we need more bandages! Paul: I can't eat any more bandages! |
| Brandy | (85K WAV) from "The Gangrene of the Mastersons". Jim: I do a rather good brandy/champagne cocktail actually. |
| Butler | (172K WAV) from "The Mastersons Lose Everything" Jim: Was there someone here saying it was the butler’s day off? - The bastard! |
| Champs | (152K WAV) from "The Mastersons Go Down". Caroline: Thats right... Josie: More champagne? Caroline: Yes please! (pop of cork) Drop of brandy in that as well please. |
| Child | (92K WAV) from "The Sweat of the Mastersons" Paul: Have you had another child since this morning? |
| Converse | (287K WAV) from "The Curse of the Mastersons" Josie: I’m a good girl I am, I’ve never conversed with any man in my life! Paul: No, you’ve slept with plenty of them though, haven’t you! Josie: That’s right! Jim: Never said a word though. Paul: No, always kept her mouth shut. Josie: Yeah, well, sometimes... |
| Cookies | (158K WAV) from "The Mastersons Go Down" Lee: So they’re going to America to get some chocolate chip cookies - 'cos 7-11 are closed. |
| Courage | (253K WAV) from "The Quest for the Other Rabbit’s Foot". Lee: It was the Well of Courage, and if you could drink from it, then you would gain the courage of a hundred men - brave men obviously, a hundred cowards would be no good. |
| Crosscou | (332K WAV) from "Beware the Ides of Masterson" Paul: If you look over in the next cave, you’ll find the God of Cross-country Running, but he has a note, so he’s not here today. |
| Fight | (151K WAV) from "The Quest for the Other Rabbit’s Foot". Paul: And I remember once I wanted to have a fight with somebody... Phelim: Really?! Paul: Yeah, I picked on a chicken. |
| Hair | (96K WAV) from "The Sweat of the Mastersons" Josie: I had to sell my hair to get those sovereigns! |
| House | (418K WAV) from "The Curse of the Mastersons" Jim: Do you know what this is? Paul: Yes! Jim: What? Paul: It’s a semi-detached house! You won’t make us live in that! Jim: I’m not afraid to use it! Paul: Good God, he’s got - watch out, he’s got the rent book! |
| JCloth | (236K WAV) from "The Mastersons Magical Marquee (Part One)". Paul: J-cloths! Caroline: Take some, I think you'll be needing them. Lee: Alright...erm... extra absorbent? Caroline: Yes I am, but I still think you'll be needing them. |
| Kiss | (62K WAV) from "The Gangrene of the Mastersons" Caroline: Kiss me, Harris. Paul: Kiss your what? |
| Lance | (444K WAV) from "The Quest for the Other Rabbit’s
Foot". Caroline: When you go out into battle, you dangle my hanky on the end of your lance, or something like that. Phelim: That’s right, yeah. Caroline: I haven’t got a hanky.... I’ve got pants. Phelim: Well, maybe we could use them then Caroline: Alright. (tearing sounds) Quite big... |
| Leagues | (219K WAV) from "The Quest for the Other Rabbit’s Foot". Paul: So how many leagues is he from here? Josie: Fifty-six. Paul: Hmm, that would be down in the Premier Division, sort of. |
| Lester1 | (406K WAV) from "The Sweat of the Mastersons" Paul: Allow me to introduce myself - my name is Sir Lester Marwood. (music) Here’s my card. Phelim: Ah, Sir Lester Marwood! (silence) Paul: I’m sorry, that one hasn’t got the tune on it. |
| Lester2 | (369K WAV) from "The Sweat of the Mastersons" Paul: I’ve changed my name, and my theme tune since the last time you saw me. Phelim: Ah, Sir Fred Pontin! (music) |
| Lester3 | (522K WAV) from "The Sweat of the Mastersons" Phelim: This is what I think of your card! And this is what I think of your holiday camps! (broken music) There’s your tune, all over the floor! Paul: But if I pick up that tune, those notes, I can get another tune out of it! See, a little bit of Blu-tac! There, my name is now Nyer Nyuurnoo. (music) |
| Phwoor | Phwoor! |
| Plans | (169K WAV) from "The Mastersons Go Down" Jim: So, do you have any plans when you go to America? Paul: Plans! What are plans really? Simply schemes and ideas that you think of in advance! |
| Polly | (56K WAV) from "The Mastersons Go Down" Paul: Polly wants a semi-detached house in Chiswick! |
| Riddle | (319K WAV) from "The Quest for the Other Rabbit’s Foot". Caroline: But first, answer me this riddle - ‘If a cloud flies through the sky on a gust of wind, how many bars of chocolate should you eat before December the third?’ |
| Seance | AaaaaaahaahhahaaAAaaaaAaaaaah! |
| Urgh | uuUUUuuuRgh! |
| Youwrite | (123K WAV) from "The Mastersons and Johnson" Caroline: You'll write, won't you? Phelim: If I manage to learn, yes. |
| Zillion | (140K WAV) from "Scurvy!" Caroline: Twenty-five zillion trillion willion jingling pounds. Paul: How much? |